Going Going Gone

Ralph Peters says we can't win. Tim Russert says Rummy wants to cut and run.

Next stop, peace with honor. So many worthless words. When the US left Vietnam millions fled. Millions died.

The mass media is usually eager to connect Iraq and Vietnam. Not when it comes to the aftermath. Emboldened by the latest election results they've now narrowed the argument over Iraq to finding a way out. Our oh-so-war-weary society just can't stomach the costs and sacrifices anymore. Iran and Syria will help. Jimmy Carter stands ready too! They know our own paranoid and thoughtless actions have created these purely hypothetical so-called jihadis. Our boys shouldn't be dying over there for questionable causes like freedom and democracy. If it's not about oil (though it sure as Halliburton is) we've got no business being there at all.

That's a bit of a caricature, but only a bit. Even the military has a part in this latest episode of Let's Pick An Exit Strategy:

The Pentagon's closely guarded review of how to improve the situation in Iraq has outlined three basic options: Send in more troops, shrink the force but stay longer, or pull out, according to senior defense officials.

Insiders have dubbed the options "Go Big," "Go Long" and "Go Home."

The situation is serious, yet the chattering class is obsessed mainly with how the US will give up. The timetable. The euphemisms. Those who think further know withdrawal will only make a bigger mess. Many think it will only affect Iraqis.

In this surrealistic atmosphere there are quite a few other options.

Go Scapegoat - Read the Iraq Study Group report. Do exactly what they advise. Refer to them alone all future questions about Iraq.

Go Strongman - Return to the long and ignoble traditions of realpolitik typified by US support for the Shah, Saddam, Mubarek, Musharraf, and other secular autocrats. Identify the next Saddam. Back him.

Go Moonbat - Scream at the top of your self-important lungs about the incalculable injustice and misery already created by the US's pursuit of an arrogant imperialist vision of hegemony. Demand that they do something about it. Scream that it can't be done. Make them pay for it. Scream about how much it costs.

Go Team - What the rest of us wish we heard from the moonbats who see the members of our all-volunteer military as stupid misguided children who need protection rather than as noble capable protectors motivated by a powerful sense of duty, honor, and respect for their country and for civilization in general.

Go Fish - No WMDs in Iraq. Try the neighboring mud huts. The one to the east has potential.

Go Muslim - There is no god but Allah and Mohammed is his Prophet. Keep it simple. Moonbats go Shia, Wingnuts go Sunni. Partisanship proceeds as usual except we all get suicide belts.

Go Easy - The problem is we're not being nice enough. We're not being fair. Our torture and eavesdropping the true crimes. The jihadis skulk and cut throats only because they're misunderstood victims. Pay no heed to their silly rhetoric about pigs and apes and unbelievers. What really ticks them off is Bush's police state. And his racist mishandling of Katrina.

Go Caveman - Off with the gloves. The jihadis eshew even basic civility. Their apologists say whatever works in war is fair. OK then. Ramadan? Not on my calendar. Sniper in a minaret? Knock it down. Imams preaching violence? Jail them. Everywhere, not just Iraq. Of course then we'll be called xenophobes, racists, invaders, infidels, inferior. Oh that's right. We already are.

Go Orgasmic - You expected more from heathen hedonists? If it weren't for the fact that they're consumed with pampering themselves and shooting blanks we might consider this option more seriously. Instead we'll just wait a generation or so until they party themselves into oblivion.

Go Figure - The only real option, notwithstanding the last, for those of us watching but nowhere near the controls.